Living as Our Healed Self: Choosing Peace Over Conflict
- Dr. Don Schweitzer, PhD, LMSW
- Sep 11, 2025
- 5 min read
We all carry within us two versions of ourselves. There’s the part that reacts - quickly, emotionally, and often from a place of hurt. Then there’s the part that responds - slowly, intentionally, and rooted in wisdom. The difference between the two is the work of healing.
When we've done the inner work, the healed version of ourself begins to emerge. This self no longer seeks battles for validation, doesn’t cling to being right at the expense of peace, and isn’t driven by the old wounds that once called the shots. Instead, we operate from a place of inner peace, maturity, and clarity of purpose.
The healed version of ourself rises above arguments, focuses on alignment with our values, and directs energy toward growth and harmony. It’s not about being perfect or detached, it’s about being present, wise, and intentional in how we live.
Let’s explore what it means to live from this place, and how we can nurture it within ourself.
Moving Beyond Conflict
One of the clearest signs that we’re living as our healed self is how we relate to conflict.
When we’re hurting or unsettled, we often meet conflict with defensiveness, anger, or withdrawal. It feels personal. Every disagreement becomes a test of our worth or a challenge to our identity. Arguments spiral, not because of the actual issue, but because of what the issue stirs up inside us.
The healed self approaches conflict differently. Instead of reacting, we pause. We ask ourself, What’s really important here? Sometimes, the answer is that the issue doesn’t deserve our energy. Other times, we realize the deeper opportunity: to practice patience, to communicate with clarity, or to show compassion even when it’s difficult.
Conflict no longer becomes a battlefield, it becomes a classroom. We’re not here to win; we’re here to learn, grow, and, when possible, create understanding.
Anchored in Values
Inner healing isn’t just about letting go of pain, it’s about rooting ourself in what matters most.
When we live aligned with our values, we gain a compass that steadies us no matter the situation. Our actions aren’t dictated by the latest provocation or fleeting emotion; they flow from the deeper current of our principles.
For example, if kindness is a core value, we’ll choose words that reflect compassion even when we’re frustrated. If integrity is a value, we’ll remain honest even when it’s easier to cut corners. If growth is a value, we’ll treat setbacks as lessons rather than failures.
Values alignment allows us to maintain steadiness. Instead of being pulled in a thousand directions by circumstances, we return again and again to the question: Does this reflect who I want to be?
That single question changes everything.
The Power of Inner Peace
Healing creates space inside us. It’s not that life becomes easier - challenges still come - but we meet them differently.
Inner peace doesn’t mean we never feel upset, anxious, or sad. It means we don’t live from those feelings. We feel them, honor them, and allow them to pass without letting them control our decisions.
This peace is powerful. It gives us the capacity to rise above small irritations. It allows us to meet insults with composure instead of retaliation. It helps us stay present during storms, knowing that our stability comes from within, not from external circumstances.
Imagine how freeing that is: to walk into a tense situation without being consumed by it. To listen to someone’s harsh words and recognize they are revealing more about their own wounds than about our worth. To choose calm, not because we’re suppressing ourself, but because we’re grounded in a deeper strength.
Wisdom in Action
The healed version of ourself doesn’t just know wisdom, it practices it.
Wisdom is the ability to see the bigger picture, to look beyond immediate emotions, and to consider the long-term consequences of our choices. It’s asking not only, How do I feel right now? but also, Who do I want to be right now? What will create community rather than division?
This wisdom shows up in small, everyday decisions:
Choosing to listen before speaking.
Pausing before sending that reactive text.
Recognizing when silence speaks louder than words.
Admitting mistakes quickly instead of defending them endlessly.
Wisdom is not abstract. It’s lived out in our tone of voice, our patience, our willingness to see the humanity in others, even when they struggle to see it in themselves.
Maturity in Relationships
Healing changes how we relate to people. Instead of needing others to complete us, validate us, or make us feel worthy, we enter relationships from a place of wholeness.
This maturity doesn’t mean we stop needing others. It means we engage differently. We communicate openly, without games. We set boundaries without guilt. We can love deeply without clinging, because our peace isn’t dependent on whether someone else shows up perfectly.
We also learn to let go more easily. Not every person is meant to stay in our life. Not every disagreement needs resolution. Sometimes the most mature act is to wish people well and continue walking our own path in peace.
Directing Energy Toward Growth
Healing gives us back the energy we once wasted on conflict, resentment, and proving ourself. That energy can now be directed toward growth.
Instead of trying to control how others see us, we focus on becoming who we want to be. Instead of replaying old wounds, we invest in creating new experiences. Instead of obsessing over what’s broken, we build what’s possible.
This is the essence of authentic living: using our time and attention to nurture what matters - our health, our creativity, our relationships, and our contribution to the world. Growth becomes not just an aspiration but a natural outcome of where our energy flows.
Letting Actions Speak Louder
The healed self understands that words, though important, are not enough. What matters is how we live.
When we show up consistently with peace, integrity, and compassion, our presence speaks volumes. People notice when we don’t take the bait of an argument. They feel the steadiness in our calm. They trust us more when they see our values lived out, not just preached.
We no longer need to convince others of who we are. Our life demonstrates it.
This doesn’t mean we’re silent, it means our words and actions are aligned. When we do speak, our voice carries more weight because it’s backed by a life of consistency.
Practical Ways to Nurture Our Healed Self
Living as our healed self is not a one-time event, it’s a daily practice. Here are some ways to nurture it:
Pause before reacting. Even a deep breath can shift us from reactivity to response.
Reconnect with our values. Write them down. Review them often. Use them as a filter for decisions.
Practice mindfulness. Spend a few minutes each day observing our thoughts and emotions without judgment. This builds inner peace.
Choose growth-oriented habits. Read, reflect, create, or move our body in ways that expand us.
Engage in constructive communication. Speak clearly, listen actively, and aim for understanding over victory.
Surround ourself with supportive people. Healing is easier when we walk alongside others who value peace and growth.
Celebrate progress. Healing isn’t linear. Acknowledge the small ways we’re already rising above.
Closing Thoughts
The healed version of ourself isn’t some distant, unattainable ideal. It’s already within us, waiting for space, attention, and practice to emerge.
Every time we pause instead of react, choose values over impulses, or let peace guide our actions, we are living as that healed self.
This way of being doesn’t eliminate hardship, but it transforms how we walk through it. We rise above pettiness, arguments, and drama, not because we’re indifferent, but because we’re deeply committed to something greater: our peace, our purpose, and our growth.
In a world often fueled by outrage and conflict, our healed presence becomes a quiet revolution. We show that there is another way, a way of wisdom, maturity, and community. And in doing so, we not only heal ourself, but we also create ripples of healing in everyone around us.
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