When Emotions Take the Wheel: How to Stay Anchored in Your Values

“Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them.”

– Brené Brown

Have you ever reacted in the heat of the moment, only to regret it later? Maybe you snapped at a loved one in anger, made a decision out of fear, or let frustration push you into saying something you didn’t mean. It’s a universal experience—we all have emotions that sometimes lead us astray. But when we consistently let emotions dictate our actions, we risk violating our own values and compromising the kind of person we want to be.

Living in alignment with our values is key to a life of integrity, happiness, and overall well-being. Our values—whether they be honesty, kindness, patience, or courage—act as a compass, guiding us toward the life we want to lead. But emotions can be tricky. While they are valid and necessary to acknowledge, they often encourage impulsive reactions that pull us away from what we truly stand for.

So how do we strike a balance? How do we honor our emotions without letting them dictate behavior that contradicts our core beliefs? The answer lies in mindfulness—a practice that allows us to process our emotions in a healthy way and remain true to our values even in challenging moments.

The Problem with Letting Emotions Drive Our Actions

Emotions are powerful. They can provide useful information about what we care about, alert us to potential dangers, and deepen our connections with others. But they are not reliable decision-making guides. Here’s why:

1. Emotions Are Temporary, But Their Consequences Aren’t

   Imagine you get an email that frustrates you. Your initial emotional response might be anger, and if you act on it immediately—firing off a snarky reply—you might damage a relationship or create unnecessary conflict. Later, when the emotion subsides, you might regret the response. The frustration was fleeting, but the damage could last much longer.

   
   

2. Emotions Are Reactive, Values Are Grounded

   Emotions often arise from external circumstances. Someone cuts you off in traffic? You feel angry. Someone praises you? You feel elated. But if we allow our emotions to dictate our responses, we become reactive rather than intentional. Values, on the other hand, are deeper—they provide a stable foundation for how we want to show up in the world, no matter what’s happening around us.

   
   

3. Fear and Anxiety Can Lead to Avoidance

   A classic example is avoiding a difficult conversation because of anxiety. If one of your values is honesty, but you dodge necessary discussions because of discomfort, you’re letting fear override your principles. While the emotion is real, acting on it in this way can lead to resentment, miscommunication, and further stress down the line.

   
   

4. Impulsive Reactions Often Violate Our Own Standards

   Think of a time you lost your temper with someone you care about. In the moment, the anger felt justified. But afterward, guilt or shame might have crept in because deep down, you value kindness and patience. When emotions take the driver’s seat, they often steer us in directions we later wish we had avoided.

   
   

How Mindfulness Helps Us Honor Our Values

Mindfulness is the practice of bringing awareness to the present moment without judgment. It doesn’t mean suppressing or ignoring emotions—it means acknowledging them without letting them dictate our actions. Here’s how it helps:

1. Creates Space Between Feeling and Action

   When we practice mindfulness, we develop the ability to notice an emotion without immediately reacting to it. This pause creates space for us to ask: What action aligns with my values here?

   
   

2. Helps Us Observe Emotions Without Being Controlled by Them

   Instead of saying, “I am angry,” mindfulness allows us to say, “I feel anger.” That subtle shift reminds us that emotions are experiences, not identities. We are not our anger, our fear, or our frustration—we are the person who chooses how to respond to them.

   
   

3. Encourages Non-Judgmental Awareness

   We all have emotional reactions that don’t align with our best selves. Mindfulness helps us notice these moments without self-criticism, allowing us to respond thoughtfully rather than beating ourselves up or reacting impulsively.

   
   

4. Strengthens Our Connection to Our Values

   When we regularly engage in mindfulness—through meditation, reflection, or simple awareness—it becomes easier to stay anchored in our values. Over time, it builds emotional resilience, making us less likely to be thrown off course by temporary feelings.

   
   

Practical Steps to Align Emotions with Values

If you want to live in greater alignment with your values, here are some actionable steps to try:

1. Identify Your Core Values

   • Take time to write down the top 3-5 values that define the person you want to be. Do you prioritize kindness? Honesty? Courage? Self-discipline? Clarifying these values makes it easier to recognize when emotions are pulling you away from them.

     
     

2. Pause Before Reacting

   • When you feel a strong emotion, practice taking a deep breath and pausing for a few seconds before responding. This brief moment can be enough to shift from reactive to intentional behavior.

     
     

3. Ask Yourself: What Would My Best Self Do?

   • When facing an emotional decision, step outside of the moment and ask: What choice aligns with the kind of person I want to be? This question helps anchor you in your values rather than your immediate feelings.

     
     

4. Practice Mindfulness Daily

   • Set aside a few minutes each day to check in with yourself. Whether it’s through meditation, journaling, or simply sitting in stillness, cultivating mindfulness makes it easier to recognize and regulate emotions before they take control.

     
     

5. Use the 10-Minute Rule

   • If you’re feeling emotionally charged and tempted to act impulsively (send that angry text, quit that job on a whim, lash out in frustration), wait 10 minutes. More often than not, the urge to react will pass, and you’ll be able to respond more thoughtfully.

     
     

6. Reflect on Your Actions

   • At the end of each day, take a few moments to reflect: Did I live by my values today? If not, what can I do differently tomorrow? Self-awareness is the first step to growth.

     
     

Final Thoughts

Emotions are a natural and necessary part of being human, but they are not reliable guides for making decisions. When we allow fleeting emotions to dictate our actions, we risk behaving in ways that contradict our deepest values. However, by practicing mindfulness and intentionality, we can develop the ability to acknowledge emotions without letting them control us.

When we live in alignment with our values—rather than our momentary feelings—we build lives of integrity, peace, and fulfillment. And that, ultimately, is what leads to true happiness.

So the next time you feel an emotion pulling you in a direction that doesn’t sit right with you, pause. Take a breath. Ask yourself: What would my best self do? Then, act accordingly.

That’s how we build a life we can be proud of.

Additional Resources

Embracing Authentically: Intentionally Living with Purpose and Integrity

If you’re ready to live with greater intention and align your daily life with your deepest values, Embracing Authentically is the perfect guide. This book starts with a detailed activity to help you identify your core values and then takes you on a journey of self-reflection, ensuring that your actions truly reflect the person you want to be.

Mindfulness for Beginners

New to mindfulness? Mindfulness for Beginners offers a simple, accessible introduction to the practice. With clear explanations and easy-to-follow activities, this book is designed to help you build a mindfulness habit from the ground up—no prior experience needed.

Photo by ArtHouse Studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-of-hand-holding-compass-4640931/